When you picture boarding school, you probably think of a paradise—living with friends, playing sports, and preparing for college in a close-knit community. The idea of it sounds like a bit of a dream. And yes, speaking from personal experience, it was a lot of fun, I still see it as the greatest decision in my life so far! After a while, though, I started seeing change in my friends, ones who were close to me. Not as in touch as before, I found this to be anxiety. Anxiety; not just the usual nerves before an exam or butterflies before playing a game, I had to consider that this may be an anxiety disorder: it’s like watching your friends getting worn down every day. Stemming from a lot of stress and past experiences, when some of my peers were forced to come to school, it became evident that they were uncomfortable and closed off.
Now, anxiety doesn't always manifest itself in obvious ways. Some of my friends looked like they had it all together: good grades, varsity sports, leadership roles. But in the shadows of this spotlight and independence? They were barely sleeping through the night. Each text, much less an actual conversation, was an opportunity to ruminate over it for hours. Skipping meals. Worried over others' perceptions. Couldn't concentrate during a lecture.
Anxiety thrives in boarding school, where classes, sports, and social life are amped up at the extreme. Seeing my friend break down studying before an exam or even when I would be so filled with anxiety that I didn't want to go out and wrestle. Something I love doing, worrying about how people will see me or how I would feel if I lost instead of just going out there with the intention of winning. The constant pressure to perform well, or even just physically being in that environment, somehow managed to bear down on some of my friends, seemingly almost crushing them.
One of the clearest manifestations of anxiety that I witnessed unfolded in the sporting arena. I had a friend who was the finest athlete in school and a close teammate, but when he encountered difficulties outside of wrestling, he started to lose his grip. He would suddenly doubt everything, start to second-guess his every move, start holding back on the mat, start skipping workouts, pretend to be sick just to avoid practice, and then wouldn't even trust those closest to him.
What everyone failed to realize was that it wasn't lack of motivation. It was anxiety saying to him, "You are not good enough. If you mess up, everyone is going to see." When your identity is so wrapped up in sports, and it very often is at a boarding school, it can become a terrible fear that crushes confidence.
Academics were no better; I had seen smart and hard-working peers fall into the never ending pit of chasing perfectionism. My next-door neighbor would spend hours rewriting her assignments, terrified to submit anything "less than perfect." She did not want any help because she convinced herself that any outside support would mean she wasn't trying hard enough.
Others would just shut down entirely-missing classes, skipping homework, or simply not showing up. Teachers would call it "slacking," but what I saw was panic, exhaustion, and helplessness that could not be articulated. A survey done by “EdWeek Research Center Survey, September 2023” which tested students on why they had missed school in the past year, 9% said to avoid an exam or turning in late work, 10% felt too sad or depressed to go, and 16% said it was due to anxiety. When your brain is on overdrive 24-7, focusing on anything that "doesn't seem to matter at the time" is extremely hard. Looking in the future becomes an impossibility, and staying in the present can be quite hard as well.
Depending on where you are, mental health may or may not be discussed very significantly. However, in our school, an unspoken culture persists on the idea that one has to be "tough" to make it through.
The students who had early help through counseling, academic interventions, or simply someone safe to talk to, usually got some relief, but not all students took that step. Some were probably too scared to risk being seen differently, while others simply never knew such help existed.
Since I was in boarding school, I have seen mental health discourse has grown in volume in the past few years, but not to the point where sharing experiences is a universal topic that people comfortably can discuss.
I have witnessed the impact of anxiety on my good friends: I’ve seen them feel broken, isolated, or like they are failing when, in fact, they are not. If you experience these feelings at a boarding school (or any other school, for that matter) or notice a friend struggling with them, speak up! You know yourself and the people around you; if something feels off, don’t wait for things to get worse. Start the conversation. Listen without being judgmental. Encourage them to seek help-and remind them that asking for it means strength, not weakness.
Talent won’t stop anxiety; neither will GPA, the coach's praise, size, or the number of friends you have. It will find its way into any room, any dorm, and any heart, but with proper assistance, it doesn't need to stay.
Let's keep showing up for one another. Let's have real conversations. Let's remind our buddies,in addition to ourselves,that mental well-being is as important as grades, games, and awards ever will be.
At Axis Psychiatry in Las Vegas, Dr. Zafar and her team are here to help you explore how a change in environment, like transitioning to or from boarding school, college, or a high-pressure job, may have impacted your mental health or that of someone you care about.
The clinic offers a wide range of evidence-based treatment options for anxiety, tailored to each person’s unique story and needs:
